MeanMesa Headlines - The Murdoch Moment, July 15 Update

Now, MeanMesa hopes that our great blog visitors know better than to think that we might somehow be able to place a spy camera in the executive conference room of Mr. Murdoch's News Corp empire.  Consequently, in the absence of any great "hacked shots" of the Murdoch executives responding to the growing wall of public relations poop, MeanMesa will have to try to "make do" with a few random photos from Google Images.

Naturally, the precise scenes of Herr Duke Rupert canning everyone who might even possibly bring the scandal within reach of the Duke himself would be priceless items, sought after -- at any price -- by all the detractors the Duke has gang raped in his heavily soiled media career.  Let's begin with our imaginary shot of News Corps executives rallying to the cause as the Duke bemoans the callous brutality and indignities the out of control "little people" have so unfairly foisted upon him.

News Corp Executive Committee Plans Corporate Strategy (image source)

In practically no time, the news emerged from the News Corp Reich Bunker that the giant News Corp British holding, The News of the World, was to be immediately vaporized by a Murdoch V2 missile fired from the Duke's castle in New York.  Further, the News Corp executive committee  dispatched another Murdoch servant, Les Hinton, who had previously occupied the top position at News Corp's Dow Jones, by accepting his "resignation."

Murdoch's DOW JONES CEO has to go (image source)

Murdoch himself, it is reported, had to receive a sedative and psychiatric care in order to finally get him to quit yelling "You don't know who you're up against, you little toad!" over and over to anyone he encountered on the street or in his  luxurious private office at the News Corp Reich bunker.  The Duke was resting quietly when news arrived of the "resignation" of the CEO of his empire's British news corporation, Rebekah Brooks.

Rebekah Brooks or Olivia de Havilland? in Snake Pit ca. 1948 (image source)

Duke Rupert's sex fantasies concerning strong willed, red headed women apparently dissolved in his mounting fear of becoming a "no body."  Worse, cruel text messages from anonymous sources continued to remind the Duke that prisons were chuck full of "wrong colored people," aggravating the Duke's growing terror even further.

Also troubling, the Duke's son and heir apparent, James Murdoch, Earl of FOX, has joined the Duke on the "next train out of town."  The titled lad, still learning the "ins and outs" of the family fascism, remains pouty after being omitted from the UK Parliament's Inquisition Invitation list.

James, Earl of FOX, has been suspiciously silent, only whimpering a "catch line" taken from Murdoch servant Eric Cantor over and over when approached by non-FOX reporters.  "I AM important!  I AM important!"

Finally, the now thoroughly terrified, tangled mob of Murdoch "talking point" pundits has officially mangled the Duke's direct order to divert public attention away from the scandal by prohibiting any mention of it on the News Corp's broadcasts.  The bold omission has become a story of it's own on non-News Corp stations.

Even the, uh, "Republican negotiators" in the artificial, yet carefully crafted Murdoch "Debt Limit Crisis" have faltered in the absence of their morning "talking point" phone calls from their Duke.

Stay tuned.  MeanMesa intends to follow this "breaking news" story right down the rat hole.  Oooops.  Rat hole?  Snake pit?

Don't forget your "fair and balanced" shovels.

Just Waiting for the Headlines -- MeanMesa Peers Through the Fog

Apologia To Facts and Feelings

There simply comes a time when the fantastical nature of the content of the nightly media fraud grows too great to ignore.  Yet, perched at the nervous edge of my cushioned television viewing chair, something seems to be missing, some urgent headline seems to remain unmade.

What can be done?

Well, why not lend voice to that suspiciously missing headline right here and now?
 
MeanMesa has never shown even the briefest reluctance to launch out in such a raw fiction before this. Yet the "counter balancing" impulses to simply proceed passively, that is, on the one hand, saying nothing at all and, on the other hand, careening into a traditional MeanMesa hyperbolic hysteria which might permanently soil the little blog's noteworthy reputation for clarity, accuracy and objectivity turn out to be, literally, the 21st Century equivalent of the "siren's call."

After an entire tenth of a nanosecond of careful reflection, the reckless course is, naturally, the one selected.  So, here we go.

This series of short, fabricated "headlines" and stories might, at first glance, seem too preposterous.  However, when the media presentation of the actual news of the day also seems too preposterous, that is, too similar to an overly pregnant teenager in a mall shopping for bikini swimsuits, the decision is one taken quite easily.

The first of these little vignettes will be presented here.  Those which follow will each have their own post titles, but, with a sincere promise from the ultimately trustworthy MeanMesa, every effort will be made to ensure that all of them, although preposterous and hilarious, of course, will also be both tediously droll and  refreshingly entertaining.

Enjoy.

Number One

Murdoch to Punish UK For Being Ungrateful

All eyes were glued to London's executive News Corp bunker for the official Murdoch  corporation's response to the growing scandal of hacking into the private text messages of rape and murder victims, people dying from terrorist attacks and British soldiers in combat zones.

The, uh, brave and distinguished "reporters" at The News of the World head office have made their own position quite clear in the matter.  According to them, the British people deserve to know all about what a murder victim might have moaned at the last minute or what pungent final message a dying terrorism victim might have texted to a family as life slipped away.

In fact, these reporters say, their readers are always quite grateful to have received such things in their daily post.  They look forward to this sort of "news."  And, in fact, these readers are so grateful that they immediately rush down the next day to purchase the next, latest paper.

Grateful News of the World "Hacking Victims" (image source)

Naturally, not only the UK but the entire world was waiting breathlessly to see what would happen next.  Would Australian Murdoch, perturbed by such a sudden cessation of "free ranging" gratitude, strike back at all these loyal readers?  Would the old fascist simply cut off the flow of this important "scoop style" information?

Late today, with the arrival of two limousines at News Corps' Reich Headquarters, the waiting finally ended this afternoon.  The first of the armored cars carried  written instructions from the Saudi Royal Family while the second, apparently, carried additional instructions from the Australian fascist himself.  Once the News Corps owners had spoken, the path forward was immediately implemented.

The very wildly popular and successful News of the World newspaper was to be vaporized immediately before any taint of the horrendous deeds could reach the News Corp owners.  Further, British citizens were supposed to immediately forget everything about the incident before some wave of pathetic public outrage could possibly "muddy the water" in the British Government's hearings concerning  Murdoch's efforts to obtain permission to purchase British Sky Broadcasting.

Grateful Brits Encourage Murdoch to "Keep Going!  Do It More!" (image source)

The Murdoch Empire's strategy to lower the stock prices of British Sky seems to be working, and analysts are expecting a greatly reduced price offering.  Other Murdoch publication entities in the UK -- News Corp owns 4 of the 21 major British companies in the business -- have already begun a wide release of upcoming head lines about the affair.

"Murdoch Completely, Totally, Unequivocally Innocent -- Had Absolutely Nothing To Do With News of the World Phone Hacking!  Has Every Right To Purchase British Sky!"

For more reading on this story, MeanMesa suggests:

The Guardian - http://www.guardian.co.uk/news/datablog/2010/sep/10/phone-hacking-victims-list

and, CBCNews - http://www.cbc.ca/news/business/story/2011/07/08/sky-broadcasting-shares-fall.html