Explaining the 'Bond Holder' Cuts on the Greek Debt
Well, MeanMesa has been just as curious as anyone else about the constantly mentioned "bond holders," mysterious players in the rendering plant mentality which is slowly consuming Europe. The story sort of makes sense, but, talk about faceless money men, these boys have to be the Hidden High Dollar Financial Wizards of all time.
They make super secret hedge fund operators look like the drooling, famous actors of yesteryear on a television anti-depressant commercial.
Naturally, this dilemma just became more and more frustrating the more often the story was retold in the domestic "news" media. These darned "bond holders" seemed able to move the US Dow Jones to a six foot hiccup every time it looked like -- or didn't look like -- they were going to have a chance to pocket a pile of Euro tax dollars to make themselves whole again.
Jumpy, jumpy, jumpy.
Of course once the MeanMesa Investigative Reporting Team was ordered to jump onto the case, everyone here at Galactic Head Quarters expected an immediate flow of facts and back ground information. Sorry. After these sleuths pried their way down every rat hole and the clogged sewer pipe, the city desk was still as bare as grandma's cabinet. Where in the hell are the "bond holders?" Who are they? Do they have names? Do they even exist?
So, what could be done?
MeanMesa decided to try to get the "bond holders" on the telephone. As expected, it rang and rang. There weren't enough static bumps and burps to hint whether it was an international call, but finally, someone answered. The voice was strong enough, but there seemed to be some sort of music in the background. After rattling this old MeanMesa brain, it was music which was recognizable as that of harps, dozens of them.
Of course the conversation which followed had to be shared in a Short Current Essays post.
"Hello? This is MeanMesa calling from New Mexico. To whom am I speaking? Are you a bond holder?"
"It depends on why you're asking, I guess."
"Well, while trying to report on the story of the Greek debt crisis and austerity and everything, the idea came up that perhaps a few words with one of the 'bond holders' could help flesh things out a little."
"I see. What do you want to know?"
"The news that the 'bond holders' who were holding the Greek debt had decided to take a $100 Bn hit kind of caught everyone here by surprise. Could you tell us a little more about how that came to pass?"
"You probably wouldn't believe it even if I explained everything."
"We have all assumed that it had to do with 'cutting your losses.' Did the EU Monetary Fund Big Whigs just scare the day lights out of you guys? It was pretty clear that the Germans were after blood."
"You know, the opinions of the Monetary Fund guys don't really have much effect on our plans. As 'bond holders' we can pretty much do whatever we want. Let's just say that we all quit worrying about things like putting food on the table a long time ago."
"But a $100 Bn dollars worth of write down on your Greek debt bonds must have 'stung' -- at least a little. Surely there was some reason why all of you lined up to take a hair cut."
"Well, things here pretty much just keep rolling along as long as everyone cooperates -- which always happens. Everyone here always cooperates. There's really not ever a question about this. It doesn't really take that much to get us all lined up behind the, you know, next idea."
"You just mentioned 'here.' Is there a central location where all you 'bond holders' run your operations? There's a rumor running around that you're all in a hidden villa somewhere in Switzerland."
"Okay, we've been waltzing around the mystery long enough. I guess it's time to explain a few basics about us 'bond holders,' where we are and why we do things that don't seem to make sense from where you stand."
"I'd appreciate that. There really hasn't been much of this interview that could be part of a MeanMesa post so far."
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| Finally, we were talking to a 'bond holder.' (image source - Eurythmics) |
"Well, my explanation of everything is probably not going to help that much. See, us 'bond holders' are actually angels. We live in heaven. That's why we usually get all the really good tips about national economies and market trends way ahead of time. Making vast hordes of money is really just a hobby for us. Being rich or being poor here in heaven really doesn't make much difference in anyone's day to day experience."
"Good grief! So there was really never any actual reason for taking the loss on your Greek debt holdings. It was just the 'next hand' in something like an eternal poker game?"
"Not exactly. See, the Big Guy is totally in charge of everything. No one here is interested in crossing the Big Guy. As long as our 'game' doesn't really influence things down on the planet too much, we just roll along, having a good time. By the way, you know Whom we're talking about when we say 'Big Guy,' right?"
"Uh, sure. Sure I do. Everyone knows about the 'Big Guy.' In fact, I've been scratching out a few notes during our conversation, and I noticed that every time I type anything about the 'Big Guy,' the words seem to automatically be capitalized."
"See, He has a real penchant for that sort of thing."
"I'm beginning to understand a lot more now. Would I be right to say that the 'Big Guy' told you 'bond holders' to cut your debt bonds? Is that how this came down?"
"Not exactly. See, the 'Big Guy' has a mountain of stuff going on all the time. It's very rarely anything like a 'direct order' up here, and this was a good example of what usually happens. This whole thing was a lot more casual than what a 'direct order' would have been."
"I'm not sure I understand."
"Well this time, the 'Big Guy' just came flying by, super busy as usual, on His way to somewhere else. It seems that He just sort of glanced at one of us 'bond holders' with one of His famous 'fleeting glances.' Just a 'glance,' mind you. Nothing like a 'wince' or a 'grimace,' just a 'fleeting glance.' Of course, a 'fleeting glance' was plenty -- we all got the message instantly."
"Message?"
"Of course. The 'Big Guy' doesn't like it when children are hungry while there's plenty of food around. International financial gizmos and credit doo dads don't mean much to the 'Big Guy's' idea of a good time. It was sort of a hint, but we got right on it. We instantly dumped our austerity demands and cut our debt bond holdings by a $100 Bn. That's pretty much the way that things are handled up here."
"Oh. I see."
"That pretty much wraps it up, story wise. I hope this helps."
"Uh, sure. Thank you very much for your help. Good bye."
"By the way, don't call back. We probably won't answer."
"Sure. I mean, that's fine. You won't be hearing from MeanMesa any time in the future. Thanks again."
Hopefully, this explains everything.
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