A heartfelt speech of sincere apology MeanMesa would like to make to Mr. Billy Joe Billionaire for all the bad stuff we done.
To set the stage, Billy Joe Billionaire's jest relaxin' with a mint julep on the veranda of his ranch house. MeanMesa approaches, barefoot and still dressed in coveralls from a hard day's work, head hung low and eyes fixed on the ground.
Billy Joe speaks, "Come on up he'ah onto the porch, boy. I heared yew got somethin' t' say t' me."
"Gosh, Mr. Billionaire, I jest don't know where to start. Whatever you may be thinkin' right now, I wanted to come up here and tell you how sorry we all was about things and to promise ya that we'll try t' do better in the future. You know, try t'stay in our place a little better so's we don't upset you so much.
Geewhiz, after you let us elect Obama, I reckon we all jest started thinkin' crazy. We kind 'a got swept away with the moment, and thet crazy thinkin' jest seemed to keep on goin'. Now that I kin look back at it, we started acting pretty damned uppity right about then. I want you t' know that acting like thet ain't really what we wanted to do t 'all. We was just excited, and we kind 'a lost our grip on whut we was doin'.
But once we got started, all excited and everything, stuff like thet health care thing just got out'a control. We sort'a got too big fer our britches. Damn! If any of us done had our heads screwed on right, we would have knowed better than to try somethin' stupid lahk thet. I don't know what got into us.
We were running around like little kids, electing majorities in your Congress and Senate -- thinking, somehow, that we could jest plow right on ahead and do any democratic thing whut come to mind. It really was jest the excitement and everything thet made us act like thet, you know, foolish and stubborn -- disrespectful.
We wasn't thinkin' about you t'all. We was jest roarin' forward with whut we wanted, ev'ybody else be damned. Most of us never even thought about how hurt you and your insurance company friends might git 'cuz of whut we was doin'.
We know thet we deserve to be punished. We can only plead for you to be as kind as ya' can. We unnerstand now why you and yer friends took all thet money out the economy. Actually, it was fer our own good, even though we didn't think so at the time. It sort of shocked us into realizin' how unreasonable we was behavin'.
Hell, some of us done thought after we ponied up all that bail out money that y'all might just relax a little and let us have some of the stuff we was want'n, but now we realize that we were jest bein' selfish. Now we know thet the bailout money was already yours anyways -- even before we gave it to you.
We also knew that you guys had already paid a darned pretty penny to set yourselves up with the Senate. I cain't imagine, now that I'm back to my right mind, why we was thinkin' we could jest elect a majority and railroad right over you to get what we wanted like health care or a climate bill or some oth'a crazy thing.
Thank God thet y'all was set up to handle stuff like this. Y'all know, make it right! I guess that once the possibility that some of our tax money might be directed somewheres else b'sides on over to y'all come up, we sort'a done went crazy. It was like sipping corn whiskey or something. We got all liquored up faster than we expected, and off we went, trying to change all sorts of stuff that we didn't have no business bothering with at all.
Once you and your helpers started spewing out the lies and stuff, we started to realize how important it was for us to do the right thing and keep everything jest like it was. Them lies didn't really bother us all thet much, but once we thought about why you was doing thet, it dawned on us that you was really gettin' upset. Later on, I figured out that you and your rich buddies were really having hurt feelin's.
We are so, so sorry. We should'a been more grateful instead of jest bitchin' so much.
So far as trying to make things right, I don't think we can unelect the President now once we already voted him in, but that don't mean thet we cain't start over without pushin' back on our crazy plan to make all these changes. No sirree! We could for sure do thet alright!
We already have a plan to get on the phone'n call all yer Congressmen and Senators and tell 'em that we didn't mean it. We can tell 'em that it would be lots better if they just dumped the health care bill before any of you guys got hurt and we'd still be pleased -- no, honored -- to vote all of 'em in again. I think maybe thet might work.
Maybe we could talk them into passing a law thet made it illegal to change anythin' about the set up we have right now. If y'all gave 'em orders to do the same thing, I bet they would. Then, at least your money part would be set straight again. Then y'all could plan that the cash would start flowing in to you the way it is s'posed to.
That'd make yew feel better wouldn't it? Gettin' your money to start flowing just like it always done in the old days, right?
Yew could have yer Senators raise our taxes to pay back all the hard earned dollars we made yew spend to throw the vote. Even add in some extra! We could add a little extra taxes on top of thet to make up fer how bad we tried to treat you. Now that we're in our right minds again, none of us thinks it was fair fer yeu to have t' spend all thet money jest on account of our pig headedness. We cain't figure that you're goin' to believe how bad we feel if we leave without fixin' somethin' like that.
In fact, wh'ah don't y'all jest order up a nice big tax break to freshen up yer money bins? We kin go right along with ya' on somethin' like thet. Y'all deserve a nice present for taking'such good care of us and all. In fact, maybe we could get yer Senators to make a nice tax break for the hill billies and bigots yew had t' hire fer yer tea bag thangs. Thet might sweeten 'em up a little, too. I have to admit, we was purty hard on 'em while the fur was flyin'."
So, however yew decide t' punish us will be jest fine. We know we deserves more than just what ya' done to the economy. After all, if yew jest let this slip on by, we'll never learn.
Yup. Spare the rod, spoil the child."
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